100

This is my 100th blog post. A lot has changed both around me and within me over the last 100 posts. My perspectives have changed. My opinions have changed. My life looks different. My heart looks different. I am not sure that I can articulate what exactly has taken place in me over the last couple years. This is may not be what I thought my life would look like. This may not be according the plans I had made for myself. But, I am so thankful for my life, for my experiences, for the faithfulness of my God. I know that my journey is really just beginning. There are so many things that I know will still change within me and around me, and I know there are many changes that I haven't even realized. Sometimes, though, I catch myself...

I catch myself substituting the Khmer word for an English word when speaking with an American or other native English speaker. I have to consciously think about using the words "maybe" or "thank you" because the Khmer words are my default.

I catch myself raising my eyebrows as a way of saying "hey, how are you?" to a friend and pointing at things using my lips...both of which would probably communicate the wrong idea in America but are completely normal here.

I catch myself wandering through markets with raw meat swinging by my head and stepping over bowls of chicken blood without a second thought.

I catch myself driving aggressively and putting myself out in the middle of traffic, running red lights, driving down the wrong side of the road, and noticing the corners where the traffic police usually park themselves (in order to avoid getting stopped for "making mistake").

I catch myself realizing that I live in Cambodia.

I catch myself daily knowing that I cannot do anything that I do without the grace of the Lord.

There is so much more that I want to say. There are so many things that I love. There are so many things that are still changing within me. But, right now, I just don't have the words...maybe I will find them in the next 100 posts...

"i'm not who i was when i took my first step, and i'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet..." ~ ginny owens