I have been a terrible blogger lately. I am sorry. I keep meaning to blog, but then life happens, and I just don't get to it. But, I have been thinking a lot lately...and living...and experiencing...and changing...and loving. So, here goes a glimpse into my mind and heart lately.
Truthfully, my heart's desire is to love...fiercely and deeply. I just want to be like Jesus. I am painfully aware of my failures and selfishness. I can identify with the Apostle Paul when he says, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--and I am the worst of them all" (1 Timothy 1:15). But, every day His mercies are new, and I get another chance "to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your [my] God" (Micah 6:8). In trying to do this, I have learned some things about myself, about how I feel, about how I love, about the mercy Christ has put in me that comes out of me.
I love the unlovely.
There is a little boy that I know. He is a bit of a punk. He doesn't listen. He likes to pick fights. He is missing one of his front teeth. He makes life difficult. Activities go much smoother when he is absent. But, I love him, and I am determined to win him over...and I think I am succeeding. The other day I was sitting on the dirty ground with some of my teammates and a bunch of kids preparing to join in singing some songs and witnessing a drama about how we can't wash away our sins but Jesus can...and a little boy came and wiggled his way in to sit beside me. He scooted right up to me and leaned against my arm...and he sat through the whole story without trying to pinch another child or trying to sneak a ball out of our supply box or trying to test our team's patience any number of other ways. And, on that day, I won the battle. He was loved...and he knew it.
The war is still being waged, but when it is all said and done, mercy and love will win. And, I am determined that no matter how long it takes, no matter how much patience I have to muster, no matter how many times I am pinched, he, and so many others like him, will know he is loved. These are the ones that need love, and no matter the cost to me, I am determined that they will know and experience love...