"When a potter makes jars out of clay, doesn't he have a right to use the same lump of clay to make one jar for decoration and another to throw garbage into?" Romans 9:21
I have been spending a lot of time recently thinking about how God has made me, what He desires for me, what that looks like in action, and living in a state of needing constant reminders that He made me the way He did for specific reasons.
Sometimes I just feel so different...
I feel as though the way God has wired me, the way I think, the way I choose to live, the way I approach people and situations, the way I feel...is just different. And most days that is ok. But, sometimes I realize that others don't see what I see, that they don't feel what I feel, that they can't fathom how I live, or that my mind and heart operate the way they do.
In recent weeks I have found myself asking God, "why?" Not an angry questioning but a sincere wondering.
"Should the created thing say of the one who made it, 'He didn't make me'? Does a jar ever say, 'The potter who made me is stupid'?" Isaiah 29:16b
I don't find myself questioning God. I know He made me. I know He didn't make a mistake. I know He is not stupid. But, sometimes in the midst of pain, of failure, of misunderstanding, the questions arise again.
Why am I this way?
How is this all going to work together for good?
Am I the only one like this?
What do I do with what I have been given?
How do I channel my entire self to be a vessel to further God's Kingdom?
Will other people always look at me with raised eyebrows and gaping mouths?
Or, maybe this is all just part of the journey, the journey of brokenness. We are fragile.
"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves." 2 Corinthians 4:7
I am powerless and fragile. In a single moment, this jar is cracked. In a split second, this pot is shattered to pieces. But, I suppose that when that shattering occurs, that is the point that the Light spills forth. And, everything that I think, that I feel, that I see, that I learn, that I know reminds me that the Light is meant to overcome the darkness...
(If you made it through this post and it made any sense to you at all, you deserve a gold star!)